I feel like I’m jumping into this late, especially when so many of my fellow LGBT bloggers have discussed this issue so well and clearly. However the issue is still being discussed and we still have heteroromantic asexuals insisting they are queer, appropriating a term meant specifically for people with same sex attractions…
Thank you for the overall civil tone of this post. I really appreciate it in what is often a sea of hostility.
You are welcome to your opinion as to whether or not asexual people are queer or not, or should be allowed in LGBT+ spaces or not, or what have you. I would be happy to discuss this issue with you at great length, as you seem to be a thoughtful and well spoken person. But we have to get something, pardon me, straight first.
The concept this post is based on is offensive to all asexual people.
Now, that’s okay, I can understand why this might be a little confusing, because it has to do with things that are internal, asexual community things vs. out group asexuals as a whole things. Okay, so, why is this so offensive?
1. This is a conversation about sexual orientation. There are three sexual orientations in the ace spectrum community: asexual, grey-asexual, and demisexual. That’s it. Period. When an asexual engages in a conversation about sexual orientation, they may choose to share other modifiers that explain themselves, but their sexual orientation is one of those three. Asexual people are not the only people with romantic orientations. Everyone has a romantic orientation. It is not relevant to a discussion to their sexual orientation.
2. [Asexuals do not in general split ourselves up by romantic orientation, so when you do it, that feels like an outsider coming in to our community and not respecting it.] Sometimes we split up by romantic vs. aromantic, but it is extremely-rare-to-never that romantic asexuals are split up into subgroups. This is not a natural division, it is an artificial one forced upon us.
3. [By saying thing like “The simple fact is that these [romantic] identifiers do what the word asexuality cannot, which is express their attractions,” you are erasing our identity as asexuals so that we better fit your model of the world. You are implying, consciously or not, that there’s no difference between us and sexual people with the same prefix on their sexual orientation.] But the thing is, our sexual orientation is asexual, demisexual, of grey-a.
Look, you don’t need to do this hurtful, offensive thing for your argument to follow logically. You made a perfectly good argument for why you think all asexuals don’t belong in the LGB community. (What you did with trans*/intersex/non-binary people, I don’t know, but for the sake of argument, let’s just base this on sexual orientation for right now.) And the world doesn’t have to be split up into
good people and death eatersstraight people and queer people.
So please don’t do it. I don’t want to link all the various pleas from people asking for non-asexual people to stop this, because I feel like that would be obnoxious, but if you need them, I have them. We are not gay. We are not bi. We are not straight. We are asexual. That’s who we are.
I look forward to productive conversations on this and other topics in the future :D
Thank you, aceadmiral.
Italicized bolding is mine. This is what I’ve been hitting everyone over the head with, and it isn’t taking.